Kissed the Girl and Made Her Cry
by Virago
The white hot blaze of pain that ripped through Dr. Kerry Weaver’s body at the sight of her Kim kissing another woman was as real and debilitating as any physical pain her leg had ever had to offer. Standing there amidst the chaos of the hectic er the cacophony of sound was a tinny refrain that played unnoticed by the stunned woman. She gripped her crutch as she felt both her legs threaten to let her down simultaenously from the shock.
The red-head stood there in the doorway looking across the er to the other end of the room where Dr. Kim Legaspi stood with her back almost to Kerry, bending down to the woman she was kissing with her hands on the woman’s shoulders in order to pull her closer. Kerry watched only for one brief agonizing moment and then forced herself to turn away from the heart wrenching sight. Walking blindly away from the horrific vision she prayed that her legs would not fail her.
Finding a darkened, empty room Kerry entered quickly, closing the door behind as she groped for the edge of the vacant bed within. Her hands trembled as she raised them to cover her face and tried to hold back the inevitable tears. The crutch fell to the ground with a loud clatter and made an even louder sound as Kerry viciously kicked it against a nearby metal stand holding a tray of medical instruments.
Kerry and Kim had only been together for a month now, a month of absolute pure joy and pure agony for both of them. Kerry knew she wasn’t the easiest person in the world to get along with and this new situation wasn’t changing that reputation one iota. Kim was her first female lover, an idea that Kerry had never entertained before she met the intriguing psychologist with a smile that made her melt inside every time she saw it. The road thus far had been as exhilirating and as terrifying as any rollercoaster ride can be.
And now, when things were finally smoothing out for them, when Kerry was getting used to the idea of even having any lover after so long and beginning to accept and realize that Kim was the most important person in her life her whole world was crashing down around her with no warning whatsoever.
**************************************
Late in her shift Kim came to see Kerry, slipping up behind her, close but not too close since they were at work.
Leaning forward she spoke in a soft tone, "You coming by my place tonight? Or would you rather I came to yours."
Startled, and unwilling to face Kim knowing that her feelings would be evident the moment Kim saw her face, Kerry answered without turning around.
"I’m not sure tonight is such a good idea. I don’t know when I’m going to finish here and I still have a lot more paperwork to do."
She continued fussing with the chart in front of her, refusing to turn around and look at her girlfriend.
After a momentary pause Kim answered sounding only amused, "What makes tonight different from any other night? That’s why we decided to exchange keys, wasn’t it? So that the one of us could wait inside for which ever of us is held up that evening?"
She looked around for a moment to be sure no one was too close and spoke again, "Besides, I find you’re always well worth the wait."
Kerry trembled involuntary at the implication of Kim’s words but hardened her resolve with a mental image of what she’d seen earlier in the afternoon.
"Tonight’s not good, Kim," she answered abruptly her whole body tensed but still she did not turn around.
"Okay," replied Kim slowly, bewilderment now becoming evident in her voice. "Then maybe I’ll talk to you later this evening?"
This would be the first night they’d spent apart in almost two weeks. Even though everything was still new with them it hadn’t taken them long to establish a pattern of how they spent their time together and this was definitely a deviation from that pattern.
"I don’t know. I’ll call you if I get home at a reasonable hour," said Kerry, her speech sounding clipped as though she could barely get the words out properly.
"Fine," Kim sounded a bit puzzled by now but she knew how Kerry could get about her work and wasn’t going to push it.
"Don’t work too late," was Kim’s only reply.
Her answer, a curt nod of the head, nothing more.
Kerry stayed late at the hospital that night making a bigger dent in the pile of paperwork sitting on her desk than she had in some time. Anything to keep her thoughts away from the woman she loved and what she’d witnessed today. By the time she got home it was much too late to call, not that she ever intended to any way.
**************************************
Getting to work the next day was no easy feat for Kerry. Lack of sleep and a tension that ran through her body so fiercely that it was making her physically ill made her consider phoning in sick for the day. But she knew the er was understaffed on the best days and doggedly brushed away the idea as weakness on her part.
The day was another frantic race from beginning to end, lives saved and lost at almost what seemed a whim if it weren’t for the exhausted and determined faces of the hospital staff who mustered up the energy for each new battle no matter how difficult it was. Kim only came to mind when she was, once again, standing in front of Kerry.
Startled, Kerry spoke first, "Uh, hi."
"Hello Kerry," was the soft reply followed up that wonderful smile of hers.
Kerry could feel her insides melting as she remember kissing those beautiful, quirky lips. Her own lips thinned as she forcibly reminded herself of yesterday. Kim’s smiled faded quickly as she saw the anger that crossed Kerry’s face. She looked confused suddenly.
Kerry waved an around to indicate the room around them, "As you can see, it’s crazier than hell. As usual. I really need to get back to work."
"Are you all right, Kerry?" Kim asked.
"Yes, fine. Thank you." Her answer was abrupt and her eyes no longer met Kim’s.
"You don’t seem like it. Has something upset you?" Kim continued to probe.
"I’m fine, I said. Look, I don’t have time for you to play psychologist with me right now, ok? I’ve got to go."
And with these hurtful words she spun around on her crutch and strode quickly away from the stunned woman. Kim stood there, watching her leave, tears welling up in her eyes. And she didn’t even know why.
At the end of the shift Kerry kept looking around, wondering where Kim was. She was sure that Kim would ask her about tonight, about them getting together. But she was nowhere in sight. Kerry decided to go while she could, quickly gathering up a few bits of work for the evening and leaving without looking around at anyone. She only breathed a sigh of relief once she made it to the car and there was no one there. She got in and left, thinking of nothing.
**************************************
The music was playing softly in the background, and the wine glass sat empty on the low coffeetable in front of the couch that Kerry lay upon with her bad leg stretched out across it. She’d finished what little paperwork she’d brought with her, drunk several glasses of the wine, and was doing her best not to think of what where she could be tonight and what she could be doing. Her doorbell rang.
She sat there, considering not answering it but if it was who she dreaded it would be there was no escape. Kim had a key. And Kerry knew that beneath that kind and loving exterior was a very determined person. Their conflict only the week before over a patient’s treatment told Kerry that. Kim didn’t back down from anything, not even the formidable Dr. Kerry Weaver. Kerry knew a confrontation was inevitable, she’d only hoped that it could be postponed long enough that Kerry would be prepared for it, not feel as vulnerable as she did this very moment.
She opened the door reluctantly and found a bundled up Kim hunched over on her porch. They stood there looking at one another for a long time before Kerry broke eye contact and stepped back to indicate that Kim should come in. Kim stepped in without a word unbuttoning her coat as she entered.
Kerry walked back to the sofa but didn’t sit down. Kim threw her coat across an armchair followed by her hat and gloves. Then walked over to were Kerry stood in silence. She looked down at the head bent before her, still no words were spoken.
When push comes to shove, Kerry was not one to shirk. Her head came up sharply and she glared up into the face of the one she loved, the one who looked down at her in some anger finally. Kim didn’t know what was going on but she was tired of it. Kerry spoke first.
"Why are you here? Don’t you have some where better to be?" she asked fiercely.
"Excuse me?" Kim was startled by this opening gambit.
"I would have thought you had other plans tonight," was Kerry’s mystifying answer.
"Of course I had no other plans Kerry. I’ve been with you every night for the last month except for last night. And that wasn’t my choice, you decided that." Kim replied evenly in spite of the anger she was feeling and not knowing what the hell she was feeling it for either.
"Oh, I see. Does your other girlfriend work graveyard or swing shift then? What, do you have a girlfriend for every shift? Is that it?" Kerry was quickly becoming irrational with her accusations as all the hurt she carried around the last day came welling up without control.
"My other WHAT?" exclaimed Kim.
"What, is girlfriend the wrong term? Well why don’t you tell me what the proper term is then? Excuse me for being new at all this and not even knowing the proper lingo," the sarcasm was coming on thick and heavy now. "And for not being enough for you apparently either."
"Are you crazy?" the retort was impulsive and rather unfortunate.
The snort of derisive laughter was almost hysterical, "You’re the professional, you tell me."
Kim took a deep breath, trying to get a grasp on her own emotions, before responding.
She reached out to touch Kerry on her shoulder.
"Kerry, please. Tell me what you’re talking about," she implored.
Kerry jerked away from the touch that felt like fire and ice at the same time. She took a few steps backward attempting to create some space between them.
"You’re a bright woman Kim. Maybe not as bright as I thought considering you were stupid enough to do it right there at the hospital. What’s the matter? Did your hormones overwhelm your common sense and you just couldn’t resist? Or did you think that I’d have so little self-esteem that I wouldn’t dare say a word if I did catch you?"
"What the hell are you talking about Kerry? You are making absolutely no sense whatsoever," Kim’s tone of bewilderment coupled with anger went up a notch.
The innocent act was really starting to wear on Kerry’s nerves. How dare Kim act this way. Self righteous anger blew away any kind of hurt she was feeling and her eyes flashed as she moved swiftly forward.
Kim wasn’t a psychologist because she loved the money, she chose the profession because she was good with people. She could sense what they were feeling almost before they could. She felt the edge of the firestorm lick at her face even before the irate red-head made her move. Instinctively, she stepped backwards, stumbling slightly as she felt the force of nature heading in her direction.
"We haven’t even been together for a month and already there’s someone else. Or maybe there has been all along and you just didn’t bother to mention it. Or maybe you didn’t think you had to. Is that how being gay works? Since there’s no marriage there’s no commitment? I should have just known that we weren’t an exclusive thing? I’m the stupid one here, is that it? Or maybe this is just all fun and games for you?"
Through the entire diatribe she continued moving forward and Kim continued to step backwards in a strange, ungainly dance that put Kim completely on the defensive and gave Kerry the complete advantage in the conversation. She only stopped because her back was against the wall.
Kim futely attempted to stem the tide but to no avail, "Someone else? There is-"
"Don’t lie to me, Kim. Not on top of everything else. Have the decency to least respect me enough to tell me the truth," Kerry snarled.
The flames grew hotter, "I saw you Kim. I saw the two of you in the er. I saw you kissing her Kim. I saw it all," her voice choking at these final words and for the first time the fire sputtered just a bit.
The look of puzzlement faded, replaced by comprehension and then by a new fire of anger that rose quickly to challenge the blaze before it. Kim straightened up from her defensive position against the wall and used her height in an attempt to intimidate the smaller woman before her.
"You saw it all? Did you Kerry? You watched the whole thing?" growled Kim, any of the psychologist’s desire to control her emotions lost in the anger of the woman and the lover of this unbelievable woman and her accusation.
"I saw enough," was the flat response.
"Don’t be too sure of that," Kim retorted.
"I saw you kissing her. What else did I need to see?" cried out Kerry the hurt of betrayal ringing in her voice. "Was I supposed to follow you home and watch you screw her too?"
At these last words that were so unlike her, Kerry covered her mouth with her hand trying to hold back the sobs that threatened to make her unable to speak again. Her feelings inadequacy rose to the surface adding more fuel to their argument.
Gulping rapidly Kerry spoke in almost a low mutter, barely able to get the words out, "You knew what you were getting into, Kim. You were aware that I was new at this, that’d I’ve never been with a woman before. If you wanted an experienced lover then why the hell did you choose me?"
"Kerry-" she couldn’t get a word in edgewise now as the fire caught fresh wind and fuel.
"Dammit, I know I’m not the greatest lover you’ve ever had. And I know that physically I don’t have a lot to offer." At these words she lifted her crutch from the floor in a vague motion to emphasize what she spoke of, "And I know I’m not an easy person in any way. But for all my faults and failings I don’t deserve this crap. I deserve your honesty. If this was just a fling for you, an opportunity to just convert another straight woman then shame on you, Kim. Shame on you," she ended in a whisper.
Without a word Kim took Kerry by the shoulders and swung her around, effectively switching their positions so that now Kerry stood with her back against the wall with Kim looming over her. Kim pressed Kerry firmly against the door and with her other hand lifted Kerry’s chin, gently forcing her to look Kim in the eye.
Kim quelled the momentary weakness she felt at the sight of those brimming eyes and spoke in a low, commanding voice that refused interuption, "You listen to me Kerry Weaver. And I’ll tell you what you didn’t see in the er. What you didn’t see was Denise coming up from behind me, surprising me, and then grabbing me and kissing me, without asking I might add. You also missed the part where I pushed that damn leech off me, no small feat since the bitch has deathgrip-like claws. And finally, you missed the part where I told her, in no uncertain terms, that she if ever did anything like that again she’d find herself on her ass."
"But-" spluttered Kerry.
"No. You saw only the middle of that whole scene, Kerry. You arrived in the middle of the show and never stayed to watch the end. You had no idea what any of it was about. Let me say this plainly and clearly. Denise is not now nor ever has been my lover or girlfriend or whatever. And she has less than a snowball’s chance in hell of becoming any of those things because I love you. I love you with all my heart," the last was said with a voice thick with emotion as the hand that held Kerry’s chin moved up to stroke the wet cheek beneath it.
"You do?" asked Kerry tremulously.
"You really have no idea what effect you have on me, do you?" asked Kim wonderously. "How completely and utterly you’ve captured my heart?"
From the very moment she’d met this glorious woman she’d felt that her every emotion and desire for her was splashed across the billboard of her face. She’d felt totally naked and vulnerable from the moment they first kissed. How could such a beautiful, brilliant, self-assured woman such as this not know what she already possessed? Kim was determined to make her understand.
"You are not my first lover Kerry. We both know that. But never in my life have I felt about anyone the way I feel about you. You don’t even have to touch me for me to feel as though I’m on fire for you. And when we do finally touch? You are all I feel, all I see, all I know. I am lost with you. I can never get enough of you."
The depth and sincerity of Kim’s words enthralled Kerry. She did not move a muscle and could not tear her eyes away from the love that shone forth from Kim’s.
"Even when you are at your most frustrating, and have no doubt, I agreed with you one hundred percent when you said you are difficult," twin smiles flickered across their faces at this, "my love for you never lessens. You are the most honorable, moral, and ferociously devoted woman I have ever met. I have never known anyone who is more worthy of my respect as well as my love. I consider myself truly blessed that you love me as well."
"I do love you," whispered Kerry, her words feeling inadequate after Kim’s.
"Yes love, I know you do. In all that has happened tonight, I never doubted it."
"I’m sorry," said Kerry in a small voice filled with contriteness and remorse. "I’ve been a fool."
"Yes, you have," laughed Kim. "But fortunately you’re my fool and I wouldn’t have it any other way. You have captured my heart, my mind, and my soul and I have no intention of ever escaping."
Her voice grew serious once more, "This is not a fling, a game, or anything remotely frivilous to me. There is no one else now, or ever. You are the one, Kerry."
Kerry opened her mouth to speak, most likely to apologize once more, but Kim decided to follow her words up with some action that would reinforce what she’d said. Kim realized that she’d been holding back, in fear of frightening Kerry with the depth of her emotion for her and for fear that being with a woman would be difficult and that Kerry might need to be eased into the situation.
She understood now that this was a mistake on her part. A woman as strong as Kerry with an iron will of determination and someone who could care for a stranger on a hospital bed as much as she did could handle anything Kim threw at her. Kim decided to let her in completely.
As her mouth met Kerry’s parted lips she didn’t wait for permission to enter. She poured the wealth of emotion she was feeling for Kerry into the waiting mouth conveying with commanding lips and tongue all of her love and need for the fiery red-head.
It was not force that Kerry felt as she was broadsided by the utter and thorough passion of their coming together at last but she also knew she was not in control of this kiss either. She felt the warm invasion of Kim’s tongue, the insistence of the lips that demanded an answer and with a small moan of need and surrender, she answered.
The surge of their passion and need for one another rose higher than ever before. Beyond words they reached for one another hungry to explore this new level of love and desire between them.
**********************************
Hours later, part of the earlier conversation pentrated the haze of passion and desire that enveloped Kerry.
"You would hit her?" Kerry asked with teasing curiosity.
"Absolutely," was the certain answer.
"But you’re a psychologist. You’re not supposed to hit people. You discuss the problem rationally," replied Kerry.
"Where on earth did you get such a foolish notion?" queried Kim with a gleam of laughter in her eye and a beautiful smile on her face.
A long paused ensued before Kerry finally answered, "Good. Because if it happens again and you don’t hit her? I will." she promised.
They both laughed before they kissed once again and moved closer together as sleep captured them both.
